Pic's girls take...2

If you read my last article, 'Pic's Girls Take', thank you very much. Here, as promised, is volume 2. I'd like it be known that I am not out to bully anybody- please continue to take your entertaining photo's. You will see that even I have put my pride aside and shared some fairly ridiculous pictures of myself. All I am asking is that you have a laugh at yourself too, if you can relate to any of these. Today we take a look at 'The Woo! Girl', 'The Nonchalant Hipster', 'The Cara' and 'The Gym Selfie'. Enjoy!

 

THE WOO! GIRL

What?: A classic episode of 'how I met your mother' introduced the 'woo girl' to the world. She is having fun and she wants the world to know about it. She likes to 'woo!' and lives for hen parties, cocktails and the DJ playing her 'jam'. She is the first to buy a round of shots and the last one to leave the club.

Who?: If you're like me, it's your younger, usually single friends who go out any/every night of the week. It must be noted that it's not strictly these folk who like to woo!- any female attending a hen, girls night out, birthday or girl's holiday(somewhere like Kavos would be ideal for a Woo-er) can woo! too, and it should be noted that women with small children who only get out once a year often woo! the loudest. 'Woo! Girls' always wear sexy costumes at Halloween. They wear heels that I would fall over in. Famous examples include Paris Hilton in her heyday, Britney in her no-undies days, and Sarah Harding/Kesha/LiLo pre- rehab.

How? Well it's pretty easy, you just need go out, get pissed, and appear like a bit of a trash bag. Pose with your mates- on a dance floor, on the street, in the toilets- preferably with a drink in hand. You will see below that even I have dabbled in wooing! once or twice. I am 30 now, and hence I can only woo! From time to time or I get too tired and cranky. For bonus points, you will have to do the ultimate woo! girl pose- my most hated pose, I have been known to stop mates doing it- the V fingers with tongue. Seriously, what kind of message do you hope it sends to the world? I think it says you have a posing problem & need an intervention. I am happy to intervene people!

Lastly, as a little extra fact, it's worth noting that if HIMYM taught us anything about these girls, it's that their woo! Is often hiding something. So be careful- if you think you woo! too much, you might want to ask yourself why. Why do you Woo?!

Essex Girls love to Woo!

Just when I thought the yucky 'V' fingers couldn't get any worse, this girl decided she could make it even classier by adding a pack of ciggies down her top. Her mum must be proud.

Posh: not a 'Woo! Girl'.



 

 

 

 



Woo! girls often just wear underwear & call it real clothes.

The ladies room- an ideal place to Woo!



At any hen party I turn into a Woo! girl, so my at my own, I was the ultimate.

At a my other hen party in Barcelona, I was joined by the harder to find, Woo! boys.

THE NONCHALANT HIPSTER

What? The 'Nonchalant Hipster' likes to take nearly as many photo's as your 'Blatantly Vain' friends, and they are probably just as insecure. The difference is, they think they are cool, so there will be less pouting and booty popping(they are so above that), and more staring off into the distance, tea dresses, flower garlands, stupid glasses and looking thoughtful. Its important to note, that as with the 'Blatantly Vain' the ultimate goal is compliments and looking pretty- do not be fooled by their nonchalant appearance. They certainly are...chalant.

Who? People you went to school with who now live in some city that's cooler than where you live; people who live in your city but try to make it look cooler than it is via an instagram filter; artists and designers; anyone with luscious long locks; and above all, people taking street style photo/outfit post photos/photos for lookbook. Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen, Zooey Deschanel, Haim, Olivia Palermo and Kristen Stewart would all pose for 'Nonchalant Hipster' photo's, even if they aren't even actual hipsters. Its all very confusing.
How? DO NOT LOOK DIRECTLY AT THE CAMERA- generally, its against the rules. If you do choose to look directly at the camera, it must be because you are channelling Zoey and pulling some kind of 'quirky' face. The only other time it may be acceptable is through a cool pair of sunglasses. Another option is to go out into the woods somewhere and pose in some completely inappropriate clothing for what it is you are supposedly doing. Or lastly, you could just take a regular selfie but apply a cool filter. Smoke, drink, wear stupid glasses, and wear bright lipstick. There are a lot of options- but above all else, you are not allowed to look like you care. Your Nonchalance is key. You probably do care, but you can't look like it. This, above all else is vital.


Smoking, balloons, long locks AND stupid glasses. Bravo! The recipe for the perfect 'Nonchlant Hipster'

Haim: Hipster Queens. They really are trying
so hard not to try hard aren't they?

 






This chick is looking at the camera, but she is
following the rules by pulling a stupid face.

 




Zoey: She's so quirky, and she wants us all to know it!  



Dakota and Kristen: reasonably nonchalant.



A popular option is to cover your face altogether with
your haim-esque long locks. Your outfit is all you need.



 

Olsen Twins: Born to act like they don't care about stuff.
 



 

'THE CARA'

What?: The phenomenon that is girls taking photo's of themselves with stupid faces. Think tongues out, crazy eyebrows, cross-eyes: basically anything your mum would tell you not to do in case the wind changed. As with 'The Nonchalant Hipster' these girls want you to think they don't care, that they are just having fun, but again, do not be fooled. Despite the seemingly unattractive faces, they still want you to think they look hot. Hot AND cool. Just like Ms Delevingne.

Who?: Any girl after a few drinks, younger girls just having fun with their mates, girls who are too cool for the conventional selfie, girls who think they are so hot that they don't even need to look hot, and girls who are genuinely uncomfortable with being forced into a group selfie. I myself have been know to pull 'The Cara' when a friend shoves a camera in my face on a night out. At a certain point, you just get sick of smiling, and I don't do duckface so it just seems like another viable option.

How?: Chuck on a beanie, fill in your eyebrows and cross those eyes. Might I suggest practising in the mirror so that you don't end up actually looking like you are having some kind of spasm, or end up photographing yourself with 3 chins- not hot.

My quite unfortunate 'Cara' attempts with my friend Niamh. Be warned: tongue isn't always sexy

THE GYM SELFIE

What?: Its pretty simple people. This is a selfie taken at the gym- usually using the mirrors at said gym for a pretty different reason than what they are there for. Thank god, no real life non-celebrity people that I know have spammed my feed with these yet, as in my opinion, they really are the vainest of the vain. If you can't even go for a workout without letting people know that you are indeed pretty, then you have a problem. Seriously. If you are one of those annoying people who manage to go to the gym and not end up looking like a sweaty, red, drowned rat, then I hate you. You obviously aren't doing it right.

Who?:Like I said, I am not entirely sure who these people are when they aren't celebs. I am guessing they are beautiful, vain types who don't sweat, have too much money and generally speaking live for likes and positive comments on their photos. They love to make people feel jealous and bad about themselves in order to feel good about themselves. Miranda Kerr is annoying 'Gym Selfie' #1. I know she is beautiful and all that, but personally I find her annoying full stop. She's a bit like Gwyneth Paltrow with her yoga and her healthy eating and whatnot. Its like, shut up, we are never going to be like you, let us accept that without all your 'fitspo' pictures in our faces. Sorry Sinéad, I know you love her. Other than Miranda, its other gorgeous models and young actresses who seem intent on making us feel shit about ourselves.

How?: I have to admit, the name I have given this pic is not entirely accurate. Its not always strictly a 'selfie'. I don't know if its more or less sad to get someone to take the photo for you though. Anyway, either stand in front of the mirror at the gym, flex and get snapping, or get into some amazing yoga pose and ask a randomer in your yoga class to take a picture for you- assuming you don't have your assistant or personal trainer there to take it. For bonus points manage to look beautiful but still a little flushed like you are genuinely working out, just to make sure people don't think you are faking it.




 


Yeah OK, we get it Miranda, you're better than us. You even bother to do your stretches after you exercise.



Rihanna: Most absurd 'Gym Selfie' ever.

Jesse J: Who manages to wear their hair out WITH a beanie to workout? Seriously.

Miranda:Even when she was preggers
she was more beautiful than us.



Miranda: Making her face more beautiful while making her body more beautiful. I could slap her.

 

Jessica: At least she is doing the cheesy thumbs up.
I respect that.

Its a worry when Snooki makes you feel like a lazy bum.

This ends volume 2 of 'Pic's Girls Take'. Coming up in volume 3 I explain 'The Makeup Free Selfie' 'The Leaning Tower' and 'The Red Carpet'. Have I got these right so far do you reckon?? Please comment and let me know what you think!
- Emily